Food We Wish Was Fiction
McDonald’s toyed with the idea of serving kids bubble-gum flavored broccoli, but the fast-food giant’s bubble burst when kids testing it didn’t like candy-flavored vegetables, according to Business Insider. Apparently, it confused them. Wonder what was confusing: You couldn’t blow a bubble or it was Ok to swallow it after chewing it awhile? Or that a vegetable is a vegetable no matter what it tastes like?
The one vegetable children do like—potatoes—is already a mainstay on McDonald’s menu. And if you count ketchup as a vegetable, that equals two servings in one Happy Meal.
Another flavor we hope never makes it onto fast-food menus is “Dewitos,” Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew. We remember when previous generations were able to eat and drink at the same time, even though they were separate items. If Dewitos does go mainstream, the logical place to sell the drink would be at Taco Bell, where the Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Tacos and the Doritos Cheesy Gordita Crunch reign supreme. Gorditas even come with Cool Ranch Doritos, another extension of the brand.
One food item we missed last spring—perhaps because no one invited us to the dance—was the “KFC Chicken Corsage.” Picture a drumstick surrounded by baby breath flowers in a wrist corsage suitable for a high school prom. Unlike Dewitos, we think this may have been more of a social media darling than a viable menu item. Florists, not restaurants, whipped up what we imagine to be a limited number of the corsages.
The beauty of all this weird food is that it gets tweeted and posted on Facebook at rapid and prolific rates, exactly what the markers intended.
Except for McDonald’s, who is sincere in its attempt to get children to eat more vegetables and mothers off their back.